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FEBRUARY 2010


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS
 

TRIVIA:
 

Groundhog Day is an annual holiday celebrated on February 2. It is held in the United States and Canada. According to folklore, if a groundhog  emerging from its burrow on this day fails to see its shadow, it will leave the burrow, signifying that winter will soon end. If on the other hand, the groundhog sees its shadow, the groundhog will supposedly retreat into its burrow, and winter will continue for six more weeks. The holiday, which began as a Pennsylvania German custom in southeastern and central Pennsylvania  in the 18th and 19th centuries, has its origins in ancient European weather lore, wherein a badger or sacred bear is the prognosticator as opposed to a groundhog. The holiday also bears some similarities to the medieval Catholic holiday of Candlemas.  It also bears similarities to the Pagan festival of Imbolc, the seasonal turning point of the Celtic calendar, which is celebrated on February 1 and also involves weather prognostication.

Modern customs of the holiday involve celebrations where early morning festivals are held to watch the groundhog emerging from its burrow. In southeastern Pennsylvania, Groundhog Lodges (Grundsow Lodges) celebrate the holiday with fersommlinge, social events in which food is served, speeches are made, and one or more g'spiel (plays or skits) are performed for entertainment. The Pennsylvania German dialect is the only language spoken at the event, and those who speak English pay a penalty, usually in the form of a nickel, dime or quarter, per word spoken, put into a bowl in the center of the table.

The largest Groundhog Day celebration is held in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where crowds as high as 40,000 have gathered to celebrate the holiday since at least 1886. Other celebrations of note in Pennsylvania take place in Quarryville in Lancaster County, the Anthracite Region of Schuylkill County, the Sinnamahoning Valley and Bucks County. Outside of Pennsylvania, notable celebrations occur in the Frederick and Hagerstown areas of Maryland, the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, Woodstock, Illinois, and among the Amish populations of over twenty states and Canada. The University of Dallas in Irving,Texas has taken Groundhog Day as its official university holiday and organizes a large-scale celebration every year in honor of the Groundhog.

Groundhog Day received worldwide attention as a result of the 1993 film of the same name, Groundhog Day, which was set in Punxsutawney (though filmed primarily in Woodstock, Illinois) and featured Punxsutawney Phil.


 
Valentine's Day or Saint Valentine's Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the English-speaking countries, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine's cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines". Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

 
 
 
Titled Washington's Birthday, the federal holiday was originally implemented by the Congress of the United States of America in 1880 for government offices in the District of Columbia and expanded in 1885 to include all federal offices. As the first federal holiday to honor an American citizen, the holiday was celebrated on Washington's actual birthday, February 22. On January 1, 1971 the federal holiday was shifted to the third Monday in February by the Uniform Monday Holiday Act. A draft of the Uniform Holidays Bill of 1968 would have renamed the holiday to Presidents' Day to honor the birthdays of both Washington and Lincoln, but this proposal failed in committee and the bill as voted on and signed into law on June 28, 1968 kept the name Washington's Birthday.

The first attempt to create a Presidents Day occurred in 1951 when then the "President's Day National Committee" was formed by Harold Stonebridge Fischer of Compton, California, who became its National Executive Director for the next two decades. The purpose was not to honor any particular President, but to honor the office of the Presidency. It was first thought that March 4, the original inauguration day, should be deemed Presidents Day. However, the bill recognizing the March 4th date was stalled in the Senate Judiciary Committee (who had authority over national holidays), who felt that, because of its proximity to Lincoln's and Washington Birthdays, 3 holidays so close together would be unduly burdensome. During this time, however, the Governors of a majority of the individual states issued proclamations declaring March 4 to be Presidents Day in their respective jurisdictions. Later on, the Washington's Birthday holiday would concurrently become known as Presidents Day.

By the mid-1980s, with a push from advertisers, the term "Presidents Day" began its public appearance.  Although Lincoln's birthday, February 12, was never a federal holiday, approximately a dozen state governments have officially renamed their Washington's Birthday observances as "Presidents Day", "Washington and Lincoln Day", or other such designations. However, "Presidents Day" is not always an all-inclusive term.

    * In Massachusetts, while the state officially celebrates "Washington's Birthday," state law also prescribes that the governor issue an annual Presidents Day proclamation honoring the presidents that have come from Massachusetts: John Adams, John Quincy Adams, Calvin Coolidge, and John F. Kennedy.  (Coolidge, the only one born outside of Massachusetts, spent his entire political career before the vice presidency there. George H. W. Bush, on the other hand, was born in Massachusetts, but has spent most of his life elsewhere.)
    * Alabama uniquely observes the day as "Washington and Jefferson Day", even though Jefferson's birthday was in April.
    * In New Jersey, Connecticut, Missouri and Illinois, while Washington's Birthday is a federal holiday, Abraham Lincoln's birthday is still a state holiday, falling on February 12 regardless of the day of the week.
    * In Washington's home state of Virginia the holiday is legally known as "George Washington Day."

QUOTES:
I hate housework - you make the beds, you do the dishes - and six months later you have to start all over again.
-Joan Rivers

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
-Henny Youngman

"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons."
~ Alfred E. Neuman

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
~ Will Rogers

"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. She leaned over and pushed me!"
~Unknown

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing..if you can fake that, you've got it made."
~Groucho Marx

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time."
~Steven Wright

"Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country."
~Steven Wright

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS:
I'd Miss You  From Just For Grins

A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose and drive a dog team instead of a car.

"If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife.

She replied, "You."


 
 
Ole and Sven frustrate the Devil     Bud Casselberry sent this one.
Ole and Sven die in a snowmobiling accident, drunker than skunks, and go to Hell.  The Devil observes that they are really enjoying themselves.  He says to them 'Doesn't the heat and smoke bother you?

Ole replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve're from nordern Minnesooota, da land of snow an ice, an ve're yust happy fer a chance ta varm up a little bit, ya know.' The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat even more.  When he returns to the room of the two guys from Minnesota, the devil finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling Walleye and drinking beer.

The devil is astonished and exclaims, 'Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourselves?' Sven replies, 'Vell, ya know, ve don't git too much varm veather up dere at da Falls, so ve've yust got ta haff a fish fry vhen da veather's dis nice.' 

The devil is absolutely furious.  He can hardly see straight.  Finally he comes up with the answer.  The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives.  The devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell.  The next morning, the temperature is 60 below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, and people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail, moan or gnash their teeth.

The devil smiles and heads for the room with Ole and Sven.  He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens.  They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men.

The devil is dumbfounded, 'I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy.  Now its freezing cold and you're still happy.  What is wrong with you two?' 

They both look at the devil in surprise and say, 'Vell, don't ya know, if hell iss froze over, dat must mean da Vikings von da Super Bowl'


 
 
 

 
 
 

 
 
 
THE JOURNEY IN TIME!!  Another good one from Bud
A group of 40 year old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at Gasthaus Gutenberger restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthaus Gutenberger because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthaus Gutenberger because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthaus Gutenberger because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthaus Gutenberger because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.

GROANERS:
 
Two chefs in Boston who were competing for the title of "Finest Fish Fryer."

Their talents were about equal, their dishes equally excellent.

However, at the last moment one of the chefs glazed his entry and won the title.

"Alas!" lamented the other, "There but for the glaze of cod go I!"

 
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. 

His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. 

"I'll tell you what," he told her.  "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?"

Being a good sport, she accepted. 

When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side:  "For Sale."


 
 
 
Hygiene is in the eye of the beholder, I've decided. While waiting for my lunch, I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it.

"Excuse me," I ventured. "Your sleeve is in the mayo."

"No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway."


 
 
 
Gary Clark sent this groaner.
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class.  The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.  Wade was about.  Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware. 

 
 
 
~ Parting Thought ~
You can't have everything. 
Where would you put it?


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