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 FUN PAGE
06/29/08  &  07/06/08


TRIVIA:
QUOTES:
CHUCKLES/BELLY LAUGHS & GROANERS


TRIVIA:
 

4th of July by the Numbers - July 4th Fun Facts!
On this day in 1776, the Declaration of Independence was approved by the Continental Congress, starting the 13 colonies on the road to freedom as a sovereign nation. As always, this most American of holidays will be marked by parades, fireworks and backyard barbecues across the country.

Patriotic Places
There are 30 places nationwide with "liberty" in their name. The most populous one is Liberty, Missouri (26,232). Iowa has more of these places than any other state: four (Libertyville, New Liberty, North Liberty and West Liberty).

    * Eleven places have "independence" in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 113,288 residents.
    * Five places adopted the name "freedom." Freedom, California, with 6,000 residents, has the largest population among these.
    * There is one place named "patriot" — Patriot, Indiana, with a population of 202.
    * And what could be more fitting than spending the day in a place called "America"? There are five such places in the country, with the most populous being American Fork, Utah, with 21,941 residents. http://factfinder.census.gov/servlet/BasicFactsServlet 

The Fourth of July Barbecue Cookout
As with many holidays, the 4th of July celebration includes food, drink and the realization of how fortunate we are as a nation.

More than 66 million Americans have said that they've taken part in a barbecue during the previous year. It's probably safe to assume a large number of these events took place on the Fourth.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

Although we do not have a fixed menu for the celebration of the Fourth, you can almost count on traditional favorites such as hamburgers and hot dogs, chicken, ribs, garden salads, potato salad, chips and watermelon. Following is a summary of where these foods come from:
    * There's a 1-in-6 chance the beef on your backyard grill came from Texas. The Lone Star State was the leader in the production of cattle and calves, accounting for 7.2 billion pounds of the nation's total production of 42.2 billion pounds last year.
    * There's a 1-in-4 chance your hot dogs and ribs originated in Iowa. The Hawkeye State had a total inventory of 14.9 million hogs and pigs as of March 1, 2003 — about one-fourth of the nation's total.
    * The chicken on your barbecue grill probably came from one of the top broiler-producing states: Georgia, Arkansas, Alabama, North Carolina and Mississippi. The value of production in each of these states exceeded $1 billion in 2002. These states combined for well over half of the nation's broiler production.
    * The lettuce in your salad or on your hamburger probably was grown in California, which accounted for nearly three-quarters of lettuce production in 2002.
    * The fresh tomatoes in your salad most likely came from Florida or California, which, combined, produced more than two-thirds of U.S. tomatoes in 2002. The ketchup on your hamburger or hot dog probably came from California, which accounted for 95 percent of processed tomato production last year.
    * There's a 1-in-3 chance the beans in your side dish of baked beans or pork and beans came from North Dakota, which produced more than one-third of the dry, edible beans in 2002.
    * As to potato salad or potato chips or fries, Idaho and Washington produced about one-half of the nation's spuds in 2002.
    * For dessert, six states — California, Florida, Texas, Georgia, Arizona and Indiana — combined to produce about 80 percent of watermelons last year. http://www.nass.usda.gov/index.asp 

Fourth of July Fireworks
$128.8 million was the value of fireworks imported from China, representing the bulk of all U.S. fireworks imports ($135.6 million) in 2002. U.S. exports of fireworks, by comparison, amounted to $13.5 million, with Germany purchasing more than any other single country ($5.0 million). http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/

Imports of U.S. Flags
$7.9 million was the dollar value of U.S. imports of American flags in 2002; more than half of this amount ($5.2 million) was for U.S. flags made in China. This was down from the 2001 dollar value of U.S. flag imports ($51.7 million), but still considerably higher than the total for 2000 ($747,800). That was the last full year prior to Sept. 11. http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/

$646,452 was the dollar value of exports of U.S. flags in 2002. Japan was the leading customer, purchasing $86,189 worth. http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/

125,000 was the number of U.S. flags flown over the U.S. Capitol last year at the request of House and Senate members. On July 4 alone, 1,200 were flown at our nation's capitol. (From the U.S. Capitol Flag Room.)

$272 million was the annual dollar value of shipments of fabricated flags, banners and similar emblems by the nation's manufacturers, according to the latest economic census (1997) for which there is published data. http://www.census.gov/prod/ec97/97m3149e.pdf

Coming to America
32.5 million was the number of foreign-born residents in the United States in 2002; they accounted for 11.5 percent of the nation's total population.  http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html  In 2006, more than 11.5 million Mexican immigrants resided in the United States, accounting for 30.7 percent of all US immigrants and one-tenth of the entire population born in Mexico.
    * More than 1-in-3 foreign-born residents were naturalized U.S. citizens.
      http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html
    * Six states had estimated foreign-born populations of 1 million or more: California
      (8.8 million), New York (3.6 million), Florida (2.8 million), Texas (2.4 million), New Jersey (1.2 million) 
      and Illinois  (1.2 million). http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2002/cb02-18.html
    * Among the foreign-born population, 52 percent were born in Latin America, 26 percent in Asia, 14 
       percent in Europe and the remaining 8 percent in other regions of the world, such as Africa and 
       Oceania. http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-42.html

State Park Lakes & Beaches
66 million was the number of visits in a recent year to our national parks — a particularly scenic locale for a July 4th picnic. There were 766 million visits in a recent year to another popular picnic venue — state parks or recreation areas. Those in California (80 million), Ohio (59 million), New York (56 million), Washington (48 million) and Illinois (44 million) recorded the highest number of visits.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

You may or may not be able to picnic there, but a visit to a national historical site is a particularly fitting way to celebrate our nation's heritage. In a recent year, about 72 million people flocked to national historical sites and 24 million to national monuments.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

The British are Coming!
"The British are coming! The British are coming!" These days, this cry applies to tourists rather than "redcoats." Nearly 5 million tourists from the United Kingdom visited the United States in a recent year, more than from any other country except Japan.
http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/2003/cb03-32.html

$74 billion was the dollar volume of trade last year between the United States and the United Kingdom, making the U.K., our adversary in 1776, our sixth-leading trading partner today. 
http://www.census.gov/foreign-trade/www/


 

Some other stuff you probably don't know and it is really not necessary to remember.

Saturday mail delivery in Canada was eliminated by Canada Post on February 1, 1969!

In Tokyo, a bicycle is faster than a car for most trips of less than 50 minutes!

There are 18 different animal shapes in the Animal Crackers cookie zoo!

Should there be a crash, Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane as a precaution!

Your body is creating and killing 15 million red blood cells per second!

The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache on a standard playing card!

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos! 

There is one slot machine in Las Vegas for every eight inhabitants!

The Mona Lisa has no eyebrows. 
It was the fashion in Renaissance Florence to shave them off! 
 

Every day 20 banks are robbed. The average take is $2,500!

The most popular first name in the world is Muhammad!

Tablecloths were originally meant to be served as towels with which dinner guests could wipe their hands and faces after eating!

Tourists visiting Iceland should know that tipping at a restaurant is considered an insult!

One car out of every 230 made was stolen last year! 

The names of Popeye's four nephews are Pipeye, Peepeye, Pupeye, and Poopeye!
 
 

Until the nineteenth century, solid blocks of tea were used as money in Siberia!

The Nobel Peace Prize medal depicts three naked men with their hands on each other's shoulders!

When glass breaks, the cracks move faster than 3,000 miles per hour. To photograph the event, a camera must shoot at a millionth of a second!

A Boeing 747 airliner holds 57,285 gallons of fuel!

A car uses 1.6 ounces of gas idling for one minute. Half an ounce is used to start the average automobile!

The Philadelphia mint produces 26 million pennies per day! 
 

A lightning bolt generates temperatures five times hotter than those found at the sun's surface!

A violin contains about 70 separate pieces of wood!

It is estimated that 4 million "junk" telephone calls, phone solicitations by persons or programmed machine are made every day in the United States! 

It takes glass one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Forest fires move faster uphill than downhill!

Almost half the newspapers in the world are published in the United States and Canada!

QUOTES:
 
America is much more than a geographical fact. It is a political and moral fact - the first community in which men set out in principle to institutionalize freedom, responsible government, and human equality.
-- Adlai Stevenson

He that would make his own liberty secure, must guard even his enemy from opposition; for if he violates this duty he establishes a precedent that will reach himself. 
--Thomas Paine

This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave. 
--Elmer Davis

The American Revolution was a beginning, not a consummation. 
--Woodrow Wilson

Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. 
--Harry Emerson Fosdick

Let freedom never perish in your hands. 
--Joseph Addison

You have to love a nation that celebrates its independence every July 4, not with a parade of guns, tanks, and soldiers who file by the White House in a show of strength and muscle, but with family picnics where kids throw Frisbees, the potato salad gets iffy, and the flies die from happiness.  You may think you have overeaten, but it is patriotism. 
--Erma Bombeck

Freedom has its life in the hearts, the actions, the spirit of men and so it must be daily earned and refreshed - else like a flower cut from its life-giving roots, it will wither and die. 
--Dwight D. Eisenhower

In the truest sense, freedom cannot be bestowed; it must be achieved. 
--Franklin D. Roosevelt

This, then, is the state of the union:  free and restless, growing and full of hope.  So it was in the beginning.  So it shall always be, while God is willing, and we are strong enough to keep the faith. 
--Lyndon B. Johnson

For what avail the plough or sail, or land or life, if freedom fail? 
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

That which distinguishes this day from all others is that then both orators and artillerymen shoot blank cartridges. 
--John Burroughs, Journal

Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty.  --Louis D. Brandeis

Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better. 
--Albert Camus

It is easy to take liberty for granted, when you have never had it taken from you.
--Dick Cheney

Liberty is the breath of life to nations. 
--George Bernard Shaw

May the sun in his course visit no land more free, more happy, more lovely, than this our own country! 
--Daniel Webster

We on this continent should never forget that men first crossed the Atlantic not to find soil for their ploughs but to secure liberty for their souls. 
--Robert J. McCracken

If our country is worth dying for in time of war let us resolve that it is truly worth living for in time of peace. 
--Hamilton Fish

CHUCKLES & BELLY LAUGHS
4TH OF JULY POEM

I wish you all a HAPPY FOURTH.
I'd like to tell you now
Get a pencil; write this down
I'm gonna tell you how.

Pass it on to all your friends
Just tell them what you heard.
The way to have a happy FOURTH
Is buy a FIFTH on the THIRD!

                                                      Politics and Politicians

**********************************************************

Ain't this the truth!!
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other.  He says to the waiter:  'Want coffee.' 

The waiter says, Sure, Chief.  Coming right up.' He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns.  He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.  He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter 'Want coffee.' 

The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto!  We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.  What was all that about, anyway?' 

The Indian smiles and proudly says 'Training for position in United States Congress:  Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.

**********************************************************

Full of Hot Air  (Change the party identities to suit your affiliation.) 
A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "But how did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You've made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect ME to solve your problem. You're in EXACTLY the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now, it's MY fault.

**********************************************************

The Haircut   This one from Irish Rose, Rosemary Bednarczyk.
One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.  After the cut he asked about his bill, and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.  I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.  I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.  I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.

'Then, a Congressman comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you.  I'm doing community service this week.'   The Congressman is very happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.


 
 
 
A Guide to U.S. Newspapers
1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority, feministic atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.

10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.


 

                        This one is a hoot!!!

Dave Barry's Colonoscopy Journal:  Bud Casselberry sent this one.  I'm filing it with my collection of classics.  (Mike)

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.  A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.  I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!' I left Andy's office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called MoviPrep, which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America's enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous.  Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my preparation.  In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor.  Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep.  You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, and then you fill it with lukewarm water.  (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.)

Then you have to drink the whole jug.  This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon.

The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, 'a loose watery bowel movement may result.' This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground.

MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative.  I don't want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch?  This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle.  There are times when you wish the commode had a seat belt.

You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently.  You eliminate everything.  And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet.

After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.  The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic.  I was very nervous.  Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage.  I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something like that?  Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.  Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand.  Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down.  Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep.  At first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got your self too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode.  You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist.  I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere.  I was seriously nervous at this point.  Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand.  There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was 'Dancing Queen' by Abba.  I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' has to be the least appropriate.  'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere behind me.  'Ha ha,' I said.  And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a decade.  If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like.

I have no idea.  Really.  I slept through it.  One moment, Abba was shrieking 'Dancing Queen!  Feel the beat from the tambourine' and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood.  Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt.  I felt excellent.  I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors.  I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

(I would say "Cheers", but somehow the expression "Up Yours" had a more appropriate ring to it.)


 
 
 
Local Bar Sues Local Church  Jack Schmidt sent this one.

In a small Texas town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign of petitions and prayers to block the bar from opening.

Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't."


 
 
 
This one's for Bud, he likes golf jokes.
An Octogenarian, who was an avid golfer, moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club.

He went to the Club for the first time to play, but he was told there wasn't anyone with whom he could play because they were already out on the course.  He repeated several times that he really wanted to play.

Finally, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and asked how many strokes he wanted for a bet.  The 80 year old said, "I really don't need any strokes, because I have been playing quite well.  The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."

And he did play well.  Coming to the par four 18th they were all even.  The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green and 2-putt for a par.

The old man had a nice drive, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.

Playing from the bunker, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled into the hole!
Birdie, match and all the money!

The Pro walked over to the sand trap where his opponent was still standing in the trap.

He said, "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"

Replied the Octogenarian, "I do.  Please give me a hand."

GROANERS:
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
The Americans licked the British!

Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!

Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
To get to the other tide!

What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
A Hessian procession!

What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
Yankee Poodle!

Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!

What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!

What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
A revolutionary warthog!

What was Thomas Jefferson's favourite dessert?
Monti jello!

Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."

What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!

Why were the early American settlers like ants?
Because they lived in colonies.

What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?
John Hamcock!

What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge?
"Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"

What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
A bald beagle!

What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
A powdered wigwam!

What's red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic pickle!

What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
"Keep in torch!"

What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
The Liberty Bellhop!

What ghost haunted King George III?
The spirit of '76!

Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
He was a Yankee doodler!

What would you get if you crossed a monster with Yankee Doodle?
Yankee Doofus!

What's red, white, blue and green?
A seasick Uncle Sam!

The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. "We live in a great country," she said. "One of the things we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . . "I'm not free. I'm four." 


 
 
 
An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked.  The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout.  "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here."

Yumti-Bi layed down and put his ear to the ground...

"Large Heap - war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black horses, two on white stallions.  All have warpaint...many many guns.  Medicine man too."

"Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???"

"Nope," replied the Indian, "I can see under gate..."


 
 
 
"I used to compete in sports a lot, but then I realized that you can buy trophies. 
Now I'm good at everything."

 
 
Herb Budinger's contribution to the page.
 A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.

 'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.

 'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy.

 After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'

The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'

The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'

The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.'

The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'

The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.


 
 
Gary Clark and Bud Casselberry sent this one.

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours.
If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with.

If it just sits in your living room, 
messes up your stuff, 
eats your food, 
uses your telephone, 
takes your money, 
and never behaves as if you actually set it free in the first place, 
you either married it or gave birth to it.

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